Barack Obama: The Perfect Storm of WTF

Barack Obama is confusing the hell out of America, and here's why.

He's half African - the straight from Kenya kind of African - and thus bypasses the tormented past of today's American-African. He's half Kansasian, whatever the hell that would be - a real, traceable tie to the midwest, to our heartland (insert violin music here) which would then make him appear to be as American as apple pie. But then, just to make matters worse, what did he do? He then grew up in the Land of Hula and spent some time living in and learning about cultures other than American. Yes, you read that right! Cultures other than American! Seriously, are there any cultures other than American? I mean, cultures worth living in and learning about? Like, sure, there are places we can go to ~vacation~ and maybe dance the aforementioned hula, but are they really worth living in and learning about?

It's clear to me that all this living and learning made him ungrateful to the country he was born in which is probably why he wanted to be president (you know, so he could "get even") except... except... except that maybe he wasn't really born here... and that's not all. To top it off, this unconnected black man married a woman who is so connected she can actually trace her lineage back to slave Africans. This means, you see, that he's as biased and as victim's-card-playin' as the rest of the American Africans who aren't thankful and grateful that their great great grandparents were dragged here against their will and forced to work for free to build this great nation we took from indigenous Americans (oops, sorry indigenous Americans).

Barack Obama... that ungrateful bastard legitimately born to a married couple. He's just happy/mad that he was/wasn't born here and is/isn't connected to any real black Americans and he might/mightn't really be President.

WTF? See! I told you Barack Obama's confusing! Look at the effect he's having on me! Well, I want you to remember two things from this post. First, America is for Americans, no matter what part of the globe we kidnap them from. Second, hula is for HOOPS. And not that basketball kind, either.

Get it? Got it? Good.